The bigger picture

My daughter LOVES animals, all kinds of animals, she does not discriminate. In order to make the transition of one more move, we sorta promised her a puppy when we got to Kentucky. (never ever a good idea, they never forget)

Enter Tracker, abandoned at 6 months, the cutest beagle puppy I have ever seen. But he didn't have a lick of sense....He wore me out. Fast forward a few months, it was winter and he needed to go outside. Normally I would put him on a leash (we live in the city) and take him out. It was extremely cold and I just didn't want to go outside. So.... I opened the door and off he went, I mean off, sprint speed. There was a man walking down the road in a long black coat, black hat and black brief case and Tracker was on his heels, circling around and around him. All the guy had to do was reach down to grab hold of Tracker. But he didn't....it was as if he didn't even see the dog, he just kept walking at a steady pace, almost unaware. The direction they were heading in was leading them to a 4 lane road which is typically busy early morning. I knew if he made it all the way down to that intersection, he would be run over. Not at all willing to give that news to Kayli, I dash out the door after him. Picture this, plaid flannel pj's, black rain boots with polka dots (of course polka dots, is there anything else?), and long red bath robe. (not to mention my hair had not seen a brush yet....it was early!)

The more I yell at that crazy animal, the further he goes, all the while circling the mans feet. I am screaming like a mad lady, not to mention looking like one, getting no help from the man in the black coat. I mean I am literally at this mans feet by now, circling him right behind Tracker. He never says a word, never looks at me, never stops walking, no help at all. WHAT IN THE WORLD???!!! By this time I want to hurt the dog and give the man a piece of my mind.(or hurt the man and give the dog a piece of my mind) We continue in this game until we get a few feet from the intersection and I finally get a hold of that dog. Now I am cold, tired, angry and I have to walk back carrying this over-sized beagle 3 blocks because in the madness I didn't grab the leash..... Lesson here? Next time, just put him on the leash and go outside with him....

Ok, so why share this story with you? I think it is a perfect example of us as Children of God. He can see the danger ahead of us, he knows where we are headed when we don't trust Him and His plan for our lives. Like Tracker, sometimes we can't see that intersection and know we have the potential of being road kill! I knew there was no hope for that senseless dog if he made it to the highway. Isn't that just like our enemy, like the man in the black coat, happy to just lead us down a dangerous path and we like the silly dog,  with no sense, run full speed ahead?!

God sees the bigger picture....this picture for me and the process of counseling was beginning to come into focus. Gradually you begin to notice changes, in yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your relationships. Things that would have bothered you before counseling, aren't having the same affect on you. Relationships that were unhealthy you recognize and feel freedom to place boundaries. It's like someone cleaned your filter and your beginning to see more clearly what healthy thoughts and relationships look like and believe more fully that there is purpose in your pain. I could see that God was using the counseling to deliver be from a lot of bondage. It's freedom......

When I went back to my next session, I found out they were allowing me to continue with Taylor at her new job at the local University. What a huge answer to prayer. I would go early so it didn't hinder her from helping the college kids. (no college student wanted the 8am slot!) We spent her last couple weeks at her current job discussing self-esteem and unhealthy relationships.

We began untangling my struggle with low Self-esteem, low self-worth, self-doubt, self-condemnation. I call it an onset of mind warfare,  it is a lasting side effect of sexual trauma that carried over for me into adulthood. Even though the physical abuse ended, mentally I was still at war, and this battle seemed extremely daunting....

I think the best way to overcome these thoughts are to know Him, seek Him,hide his word in our heart, and to pray for deliverance. To continually be blasting those thoughts with the truth of His Word. There isn't a counseling session that can fix that, only knowing the great Counselor, and taking Him at His word....Psalm 139, all of it....If this is a struggle of yours, I encourage you to read Psalm 139.

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139:13-14

As I was leaving that day, Taylor tells me she is in charge of planning this years "Take Back the Night" ceremony at the University, and she would like for me to share my story. It's a night dedicated to helping stop the violence against sexual abuse, and to help other victims find their voice. To say I was beside myself with joy is an understatement. I was beginning to see purpose in the pain.....Maybe my story would help someone.....I told her yes!!!! God's timing is perfect...He saw the bigger picture, He wanted me to experience healing, so I could help someone else. Like that silly dog, He had to get a hold of me, He knows sometimes I just don't have much sense!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4