You are not alone.....

I am overwhelmed at how many of us are survivors of sexual abuse.  Almost daily, since I started this blog, God has brought a precious girl into my life who is a survivor, who just needs someone to listen. My prayer is he will continue to allow me to minister to them through my story and help them begin their journey to healing.

 I am in no way a professional. My education does not exceed that of a high school diploma. I do however have a master’s degree in the school of life, and I have been told I have a “fire in my belly.” Meaning I tend to be a very passionate person. Sometimes it has served me well, sometimes it has gotten me in trouble.  I view my role as a mentor, friend, someone who has made it through the pain and by the grace of God, found my voice. 

 I know I have said it before, but I want this blog to encourage and empower other girls and women to find the courage to tell someone about their abuse and seek help. 1 in 5 high school girls are raped. Fifty percent of those leave high school without telling anyone. This makes me wonder what the statistics are on those girls entering into relationships they are not ready for, bringing with them a broken heart and crushed spirit. We look for our Prince Charming, the one who will fix our broken heart, and the truth is , there is only one who can do that. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

 As long as we are silent, we won’t heal. If you are a survivor of sexual abuse as a child, teen or young adult and you haven’t told anyone, there is a little girl in you who is frozen in time. She needs ministering to, listening to, loving on, validating, and rescuing. The enemy loves to isolate us and keep us bound in silence. We believe we are the only ones, but with 1 in 4 being abused, we are far from a minority.

The first several weeks of my counseling was centered on learning coping mechanisms, my “triggers” and Taylor getting to know my history, family dynamics and how I viewed myself.

 She took me through several different breathing techniques. PTSD brings on a flood of emotions and memories, or flash backs.  Sometimes memories come when you least expect it, where you least expect it, leaving you paralyzed. If you don’t know the coping mechanisms, you can find yourself in a panic attack. (I have been there many times) Learning how to breathe forced me to focus on breathing instead of the memories, and done right, it sends necessary oxygen to the brain. (Lord knows I need ALL the oxygen to the brain I can get.)  I thought that was a silly way to work through PTSD, breathing, but when I was faced with a flash back or panic attack, I learned really quick how valuable breathing through it was.

We also spent a lot of time figuring out what triggered my flash backs and anxiety. Certain smells, certain facial expressions, certain words, and someone coming on me quickly are a few of my triggers . Once aware, I was more prepared when I encountered them.  

Taylor assured me we would not jump into any form of memory therapy until she thought I was ready for it and not until she felt I had mastered the coping skills she was teaching me. This was crucial in my healing process, having someone who knew how important it was to not throw me in the deep end of the pool. I am sure if she had, I would have just sank to the bottom. 

We worked on my “triangle,” at the top of the triangle is a thought, which causes a feeling, which causes a response. Example, thought; “I am the only one who has been through this.” Feeling; I am so alone. Response; you never ever tell anyone.  This caused me to be active in my healing. I could not show up at the counseling session thinking she was going to “fix” me. I had to be willing to do what she was suggesting. I had to be aware when a thought was a lie, changing the thought before it caused a feeling, then a response.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Philippians 4:8

We discussed a lot in the first few weeks, not diving into details of memories until later. I remember leaving the second session exhausted. One of my “pearls” called to check on me, knowing personally how exhausting it is those first few sessions. You’re sharing all the good bad and ugly of your life, to a total stranger. Most of the things I shared with Taylor, I had never spoken out loud. To hear myself say it was surreal, somehow saying it made it real.  (Like it wasn’t before) I explained to my “pearl” that I had laid down after my session for a nap, I was unable to keep my eyes open. She said your mind thinks you have run a marathon, it’s that intense. She encouraged me to rest, not fight it, and not feel guilty. Praise God for my friend. Praise God we don’t walk this world alone. This is the perfect time for me to say how blessed I am with my husband. There is none other more patient, encouraging and loving to me than my man. He is my biggest fan. God knew I would need a special one…..